Give Yourself Permission

At Kaleidoscope, we know that parenting comes with a lot of shoulds: You should have these particular toys. You should encourage sharing. You should play and engage with your child.

But here’s the thing: childhood isn’t built on “shoulds”—it’s built on curiosity, imagination, and play. So today, we invite you to give yourself permission to let go of some of those pressures.

These ideas are rooted in Montessori philosophy and early childhood research, which remind us that less really can be more.

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1. Give yourself permission to limit the number of toys.

Dr. Maria Montessori observed that children thrive in environments that are ordered and uncluttered. When shelves are overflowing, children often flit from one item to another without settling into meaningful work. A 2018 study in Infant Behavior and Development confirmed this: toddlers given fewer toys played longer and with greater creativity than toddlers surrounded by many.

Rotating toys—something the toy library makes easy—creates novelty while maintaining the clarity and calm that supports focus.

View this chart for the amount of toys to set out for your child, as it varies depending on their age.

2. Give yourself permission to limit the number of pieces.

In our playspace, we rarely put out the hundreds of the LEGOs that come in a set. Instead, materials are carefully prepared in a bin with just enough pieces for exploration, but not so many that the child becomes overwhelmed. This principle fosters concentration and problem-solving.

Try offering a smaller number of blocks, magnetic tiles, or art supplies. You may be surprised how inventive children become when resources are limited—they learn to stretch their imaginations rather than rely on abundance. Less mess, more imagination—everybody wins.

3. Give yourself permission to let your children play without you.

Have you ever tried to enter your child’s game, just to be told that you’re doing everything wrong? Children are natural experts at play in a way adults can’t quite replicate. It’s wonderful to be invited into your child’s world of play—but you don’t have to be the co-star every time. When adults step back, children often dive deeper into play alone or with friends or siblings. They concentrate, build, create, and practice social skills.

Our role in promoting engaged play is in establishing an enriching environment. To learn more about that process, check out our blog Setting Up a Play Space at Home.

“The child can only develop by means of experience in his environment. We call such experience ‘work.’ But it is not the work imposed by the adult; it is the work he finds for himself. This kind of work is not the work of the adult preparing for life, but the work of the child who is constructing life.” -Maria Montessori, The Secret of Childhood

4. Give yourself permission not to force sharing.

Telling a child to share feels obligatory. Isn’t sharing the basis of socialization?

Here’s a secret: sharing is a developmental skill, not a moral obligation. For young children, being told “you have to share” can feel confusing and frustrating.

Thankfully, there is an easy and equally effective alternative: taking turns. Try saying, “Do you want to play together or take turns? They can play with it when you’re done.” Not every toy is meant for group play, and parallel play (side-by-side play without interaction) is an important stage of early childhood. As children get older, they will become more interested in collaborative play.

Final Thought

Parenting doesn’t have to mean constant juggling or meeting every “should.” Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is give yourself permission—to simplify, to step back, and to trust your child’s natural capacity for learning through play.

At Kaleidoscope, we’re here to support you in that journey. Comment below: which “shoulds” are you happy to let go of?

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References

• Montessori, M. (1967). The Absorbent Mind. New York: Holt, Rinehart and Winston.

• Montessori, M. (1966). The Secret of Childhood. New York: Ballantine Books.

• Dauch, C., Imwalle, M., Ocasio, B., & Metz, A. (2018). The influence of the number of toys in the environment on toddlers’ play. Infant Behavior and Development, 50, 78–87. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.infbeh.2017.11.005

• Copple, C., & Bredekamp, S. (2009). Developmentally Appropriate Practice in Early Childhood Programs Serving Children from Birth through Age 8 (3rd ed.). Washington, DC: NAEYC.